@Osheen.Sharma · Posted 04 Jul. 2021
I have observed that people in their teens and twenties are a lot less interested in being in serious relationships than the generations before them. My own parents were married and had kids by 25, but when I think about a 25-year old having a family, I can not imagine it. I see it in myself and my friends too. So what is your opinion on the matter?
Godwin Oladele I write content
@Writelord · Updated 04 Jul. 2021
I hate to say this, but women made this happen. Let me explain
Women may hold the keys to the bedroom, but men hold the keys to a relationship. It's true. It's always been this way. Men make the choice on who to marry.
Then came third wave feminism. Women were made to believe that they held the keys to relationships. That they are the prize and that men have to work hard to keep them.
Nope. Men are indeed the prize. We built this world. This is nature's way of saying men are thrivers and women are the support system
Men have very simple needs. We hustle the hardest, take the lead in most relationships and therefore require a supporter.
Feminism threw that out the door. Now women want to be in control of relationship.
But as we know, their standards are quite high. Therefore, it's in a woman's nature to seek the better alternative.
Throw social media in the mix, and women have 100 times more options than men do. So what do they do most times; try out the alternatives...
But as we know, women want it all. So they'll rather play two or three men at the same time, hoping they don't get caught.
They end up playing themselves, and lose all options.
During the pandemic, men realised they were indeed happier alone. That modern women have been playing games.
I cannot make this up. Modern women are indeed playing men, and it's because they have options.
Last point, with the likes of Cardi B and Megan thee stallion pushing the narratives of sex/relationship for money; women are likely to demand resources for the 'cat'.
So what do men do? We adjust like always. We don't want to play these games anymore.
We'll rather pay for the 'cat' and keep our privacy and sanity.
Trust men, we can adapt to anything, even loneliness. But women can't.
This may be a harsh analysis, but it is true.
Men have figured out the game, hence the emergence of hookup culture. Over to women to show their merit, and drop the entitlement
What you've written is quite telling. Honestly, not the kind of answer I expected but definitely one I was prepared for. I would outright reject your ideas but I won't since I am the one who asked the question. I can agree on some points here. Some people use feminism as an umbrella term to justify their own bad behaviour and that is absolutely detrimental, not only to the movement but also to society in general.
Maybe it is a cultural gap but I am slightly surprised by your viewpoint on relationships. I personally do not think there is a "key" in a relationship or that someone needs to hold it. A relationship is a partnership. The fact that the roles in relationships are so gendered makes me more sure about the cultural/generation gap. If you read my question again you will notice that it wasn't gendered or orientation centric so if your argument is to be considered true (calling it true is a stretch but for sake of argument) for heterosexual couples then does the same apply to homosexual couples?
You also say that men are the prize which again begs the question, Why must there be a prize and if there is a prize shouldn't it be a happy relationship rather than one person? It does seem like a rather narcissistic analogy to use, but I am willing to chalk that up to a culture/gender/generation gap as well.
The hookup culture has been around for a long time and I won't pretend to know its origins as you have but your closing statement again makes me doubt your judgement of the matter because what need would merit serve in a relationship? What would that entail and how would one prove it? Your generalisation of all women again takes away credibility from what you've said (for me at least) but you are entitled to your opinion and I am glad I read this.
Thank you for your answer, as I said earlier, it was quite telling and I'm afraid not in the best way possible.
Godwin Oladele I write content
@Writelord · Posted 06 Jul. 2021
Your response is understandable.
You are a lady, therefore will always see things from a woman's perspective.
I may need to remind you. Feminist fought for gay rights, not men. The LGBTQ community is what it is because of women.
Which begs the question. What do women really want?
Sexual liberation or traditional marriage roles?
Because when you look at it, both are never mutually exclusive.
You cannot demand openness of sexuality; with public displays of nudity and still expect men to commit. It never works.
It wasn't a generalisation per say. But it's quite clear that many modern women, not all, are entitled and promiscuous. Yet, they chalk it up to 'my body, my choice'
Well, men are responding with 'my money, attention and time, my choice'. We are really hoping this balances this stakes.
If it doesn't, we continue with hookup culture, and hope women someday become feminine like they once were.
Debbie Katz Free Spirit
@debkatz78 · Posted 05 Jul. 2021
I think this is because sex is easier to get. A lot of women are willing to sleep around now whereas not as many were just 40 years ago. It is seen as "empowering" for women to act like men I suppose. I don't like to judge people who choose these kinds of lifestyles but I know they are not healthy mentally, emotionally, or physically. A lot of what we see today glorifies this kind of behavior as well, just like Godwin mentioned. It is a shame. I hope if I have a daughter she is able to grow up respecting herself and her body as more than just a piece of meat.
Is sex all there is to a relationship then? Is that the major factor in why people get married? These aren't rhetorical questions, I really am curious to know. I appreciate your taking the time to answer this question, and I respect your point of view. I must point out, however that even though you don't like to judge, your answer does seem slightly judgemental.
Being sexually active is not a gendered activity. So I hardly think it is to 'act like men' that people are out there living their lives in a more sexually promiscuous way. There is also the matter of same-sex couples, as I mentioned in my answer to Godwin. If women are sleeping with men to be like men, does the same apply to women sleeping with women or men with men or genderfluid individuals?
I must clarify that there is nothing wrong with you not wanting to 'sleep around' as you call it, but I don't think saying that sexually active people don't respect themselves is completely right either. One thing that I did take issue with when reading your answer was the term, 'piece of meat'. This speaks more about how we have grown up with internalised misogyny than it does about the issue at hand. Human beings should not lose value as individuals on the basis of their sexual promiscuity. I can't speak for everyone but I think respecting yourself and being sexually active can be simultaneous.
Thank you for your answer.
Debbie Katz Free Spirit
@debkatz78 · Updated 06 Jul. 2021
Being selective with sexual partners is more important for women than it is for men. The reason being is that it is women who become pregnant. Having sex is one thing but having sex with multiple partners and not wanting to be in relationships is a completely other thing. I was responding to the latter. When I mentioned sex is easier to obtain or get, it has to do with women being easier with men. Men once had to impress women and show them they can be valued as a partner, parent, and provider. This is again because of the risk. A woman becoming pregnant is a risk for her life, her body, and her future. This is why I explained it as a bad thing for women to be sleeping around. Men don't risk much. This sex-fueled culture is empowering a lifestyle for people to just do as they please and not think of any repercussions.
I am not a lesbian or gay man so I can't speak for them, my response was for straight couples.
And as for my comment about having a daughter who doesn't treat her body like a piece of meat, I stand by that. If a woman chooses to live this way and her body be a means of only self-pleasure and gratification, that is on her but I want my daughter to understand how powerful her body is. It is the female body that brings life into the world and it is the female body that brings men (straight men to clarify for you) to their knees. If more women respected their bodies this way, that would be true empowerment.
And maybe I am coming off as judgemental, I just think women have more value in our society than just being sexual objects be it by their own desires or the desires of people around them.
@RyanM · Posted 04 Jul. 2021
I think it stems from social media, and the overall social landscape we live in. As well, people aren't getting married like they used to. And some are more inclined to just stay single.
I know someone who has dated a lot, but in recent years, just stopped. He hasn't dated anyone in around 4-5 years and he says he's happy. I think we're in a time, where people don't feel the need to get married or even have kids. Some people these days, just want to focus on their career and making their life better.
Also, I feel like past generations were more about being religious, the wife taking care of children and the home, and so on. As well, war was rampant back in the 40s up to like the 80s. And I think that has an effect on how people lived back then. I imagine a lot of young men got married before they went out to war.
I don't know exactly why people are less interested in having relationships these days. Maybe it's because women are more independent and are also working jobs and living their own lives. So maybe it's just that people don't want to be locked down in a marriage or relationship.
But yeah, it's interesting to think about.
I think you might be on to something when you say that the fast-paced lives of people might have to do with it. Everyone is busy with jobs and careers now and that does leave a lot less time for a relationship especially considering that relationships (Marital and otherwise) that aren't based on some sort of power dynamic require a lot of work.
Thank you for taking the time to answer.