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General Dating / Romance

was anyone else slightly unsettled by the age difference and casting in the all too well video?   

#taylor swift #age gaps


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Osheen Sharma
@Osheen.Sharma · Updated 18 Nov. 2021

I was pretty young when Taylor actually dated Jake and so I didn't really understand how odd it was for a 29-year-old to be going out with a 19-year-old person. It was only when I saw the short film that I realized how big of an age difference it was. I understand that as adults age is not exactly that big of a deal but I also feel like that only applies to more mature people. I am 23 now and the idea of going out with a 19-year-old seems preposterous to me at least. 


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Pritika Thakur 
@pritika98 · Posted 19 Nov. 2021

That's exactly what Taylor wanted to portray. She directed the film and intended for it to be seen as a warning to viewers to be more alert and cautious about issues in relationships such as age and power dynamics, based on her own personal experience and grief. After the film was completed, Dylan O Brien apologised to the team for his role, which featured gas lighting and taking advantage of someone who was years younger than him. Taylor was 21 when she wrote the song and 31 now, when she directed the film, and one can clearly see the differences in viewpoints between then and now. I myself was thrown off by the age difference and share the same views as you do, but I feel sometimes people get into the waters of toxicity very easily and are blind to the red flags, which further blinds them to so many other factors that need to be taken into consideration. Dating someone younger or older than me would, in my opinion, disrupt the balance and power dynamics of the relationship, making it more of a parent-child relationship than a growing relationship. 

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Osheen Sharma
@Osheen.Sharma · Posted 20 Nov. 2021

You're right, whether we like it or not, power dynamics do exist in relationships and usually, it ends up favoring the older of two (Not always the case but mostly). It also depends on whether or not the people in the relationship can identify red flags but even that requires some experience you can only get with time and age. Thank you for your answer!


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Avyanna Dream  Site Admin
@admin · Updated 19 Nov. 2021

Funny you asked this question because it came up during our small group meeting two days ago.

The majority said they wouldn’t care as far as love, nay, true love is involved. One lady said she can only date a guy who is either 5 years older or younger. Currently here in Japan, younger girls dating older men are frowned at and labeled gold diggers. Which begs the question, why blame only the women? I think the older men should be blamed too for taking advantage of vulnerable young girls. I cited the socially acceptable dating age rule (Younger=(your age/2 +7), Older=(your age -7)*2, just to add spark to the conversation. They laughed it off and said it was a mere convenient myth.  If you had to use the rule to determine who you should date- 23/2+7=18.5. That means 19 is just about right for you if you both agree on the important things. Lol!

I personally wouldn’t mind the age-gap thing as long as our morals, values, principles, beliefs, and life goals are synched, because when all's said and done, the only people that truly matter in our relationship are just me and my partner.

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Osheen Sharma
@Osheen.Sharma · Posted 20 Nov. 2021

You're right about age not being a big factor if morals, beliefs, etc are in sync. A further question along that vein would be, where does the boundary start, agewise? Would an 18-year-old have the maturity and experience to have the same beliefs as a 25-year-old? I personally don't think that's possible. It is only a seven-year difference but it is seven years between someone who has lived some life and someone who is just now entering adulthood. 

Taylor said something about how she keeps getting older but the ex-boyfriend's lovers stay the same age. This is something that I've observed in a lot of Hollywood couples. It could be a one-time thing to want to be with someone so much that you don't care how old/young they are. But what about 50-year-old men who still date women the same age as they were dating when they were 20? It really makes you think, because does this have something to do with love or with the power dynamic?

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Avyanna Dream  Site Admin
@admin · Posted 23 Nov. 2021

I`m with you and see where you going from. That`s why I used the word `if` because it`s a rarity. The chance of that happening could be one in a million.


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Bomb . Carpe Diem...
@bomb · Posted 23 Nov. 2021

Well, this was a very touching short film by Taylor Swift. But i would say, the age difference is not anything strange to me. Yes, i may find it hard to date someone 10 years younger than me, because of the big difference in the view of life. Plus the experience i have gone through may make me reason out things way too differently. But when you come to think about it, girls love dating older guys that themselves. In fact, they prefer looking for old guys intentionally because they think they are less "controlling". So for this film, i think everything was set well. That age difference shouldn't be a big bother in this century. 

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Osheen Sharma
@Osheen.Sharma · Posted 24 Nov. 2021

I do agree, age is just a number after a point. You're right about some people wanting to go out with older people however that also comes in after someone is old enough to make that choice for themselves. If an 18-year old went up to a 30-year-old then I'd expect some reluctance on their part. However, I believe things like this vary on a case-to-case basis so there really is not a single right answer here. 


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