A True Confession

With no forewarning, I slowly entered her warm and creamy tightness. Wriggling and moaning she stroked my back gently with her soft beautiful hands, as I began to slowly and relentlessly pummel her body with the supreme strength and will it take to not release my seed into the depths of her womb. I savored every moment as though it were my last. For a reason unknown to me, I feel as though there would be no love lost between the two of us, once she hears my confession

                        A True Confession


                               ``Peter, what is the matter with you? ``

Sweet Jesus! It was Nana`s voice deep with concern. ``What are you trying to do, kill yourself? `` I sensed her walk in and closed the door behind her. I could feel her warm hands as she removed the noose I was trying to `hang` myself with. She took my hand and led me to the bed. She noticed with awe and utter shock that my two eyes were closed. She probably must have thought my eyes were closed either because I was sleepwalking, woolgathering or for other strange reason(s) she couldn't decipher immediately.

 ``What happened to your eyes, Peter? `` Her poignant and honest voice together with the way she pronounced my name increased my affection for her. It was an immeasurable comfort to be near her. ``It is a sad and long story Nana, and I won’t want you to be driven to extremes of pain because of me. Why not go and let me quietly end it? `` I said in a soft voice laden with emotion. ``But no matter what happens, `` I continued with the same emotion-laden voice. I was unable to contain the feigned tears that were now tracking down my cheeks. `` No matter what happens, you will always be in my mind and I will always remember your unsurpassed kindness in my grave. `` I waited for her to tensely shriek into my face. Either the word grave must have shocked her out of her wit, or she was deeply moved by my `tears`, for she put her arm around my shoulders as if to cosset me as a mom would cosset her wailing child. I never felt good. I felt reborn. ``Please, don’t keep me in suspense; spill it, `` she said looking at my eyes. I guessed she was, for I could feel it. ``I’m, `` I began after a brief pause that seemed like an eternity. `` Wait! `` She cut me short. She was on the phone instantly talking to her boss or her manager in Japanese. She told whomever she was talking to (from the little I could understand) that she would either be late or won’t be able to report for duty today. She ignored my flippant persistent pleas for her to stop. ``You don’t have to do this because of me, ` `I said as if I meant it. ``Now talk before I change my mind`` she said impatiently.

``I haven’t been happy for a single moment since the beginning of this year. `` I began with a wobbly start. My life has never been the same ever since I saw you for the very first time. I have never seen a woman as elegant as you.  If you could look into my heart Nana, there is no doubt you will see the pictures of this for yourself. I have been hopeless, ill at ease, and dying for you to accept my love. I thought maybe you don’t even care a hoot about me, because the more I tried to be near you, the more you distanced yourself from me. I’m crazy. I can’t eat and sleep. I’m always up at night. The feeling never leaves me alone. I have never in my entire adult life felt like this toward any woman. I know it sounds awful, but I couldn’t help it.`` I stopped for a moment to collect my thoughts. She interrupted me before I could resume. `` I don’t understand what you talking about. Are you sure you're ok? `` ``How can I be okay in this unsavory condition; blind, hopeless, frustrated, with nobody to look up to in this wild wicked world except…``

``Except you`` I almost said it and choked it off.

``I woke up one morning, a week ago to be precise and discovered that I was blind. It all seemed like a dream. I waited for this so-called dream to pass away, but I was wrong. My friend took me to the hospital and there was no good news as I rightly expected from the doctor. He said I would never see again. `` I stopped, waiting for her response. No response came; instead, she touched my eyes with her hand, feeling them as if she could open them by some magical power that she believes she possessed but not quite sure. `I’m so sorry. I wish I could help you. ``  I could sense she was about to cry for her voice was heavy and undulating.......Wait till I am done with my lies, and I guess you will be able to help me then. I thought cheerily. 

``My friend (the same who took me to see the doctor), came up with a strange idea, strange because it was totally unexpected. He said we should try a diviner. I decided to give it a shot. `Why not? ` I said to myself, for I have got nothing to lose, after all, there isn’t a law yet against trying. But, what I was told by the diviner sent me into a brief nervous breakdown. ``  ``What did he tell you, worse than what the doctor told you? I guess nothing could be worse than that, `` she said calmly. ``He said I could see again, but with a stipulation. ````What stipulation? `` She asked as a matter of urgency. There was a pregnant pause. I opened my mouth; no word came out. Come on, be a man. A voice inside me whispered. Take the risk, as this might be your only last chance. If you blow it, then you are the worst loser the world had ever known. ``What if she thinks I’m just obsessive and crazy? `` I whispered back. Don’t let what people say or think about you becloud your sense of reasoning. As the old saying goes, `opportunity is not lost, it is given to the next guy`. If you don’t give it a shot now, you might be saying a final goodbye, and she will forever hate you for being such a jerk. ``

He said my blindness isn’t total. It is just temporary. He said I can only see again, if and only if I slept with the girl I had been madly obsessive with, and that is yo- `` I trailed off, bending down. I opened my mouth to continue, but no words came out. ``Maybe I’m dumb, but I don’t think I am stupid as you think Peter, `` Nana said, sounding a trifle wild ``Believe you me, I am not pulling your beautiful legs. It sounds weird to me too, but I’m telling you the plain truth because I heard the same thing happened to somebody, a woman in Nepal a few years back,``  I lied smoothly in a small, shaky voice.  `` I guess, you are not making this up just to take advantage of me or what? ``  ``To hell no! `` I half-shouted and almost on the verge of more crocodile tears. I’m one hell of a good actor; what the hell am I waiting for? I should be in Hollywood! I mentally praised myself, knowing the odds are unarguably now in my favor. ``Do you think I’m a freak who toys with people’s emotions? `` I said, sounding very serious in every sense of the phrase. ``Before you get me wrong, check out the suicide note on the table,`` I said, pointing my right hand in the coffee table’s direction. There was dead silence in the room and beyond except for the occasional chirping of the birds. I listened with a thudding heart and trepidation as she read slowly and beautifully:


     I find this world simultaneously strange and mysterious.

     We can’t understand what is going on inside and outside of us, except if God wants us to. Its sucks completely when you can’t have what your heart sincerely desires; nothing could be as maddening as seeing the woman you adore without a single opportunity to tell her how much you love her.

     I’m ending my life because I cannot continue to live this way. I know one thing I’m damn sure of is that, even down in my grave, I will continue to think of you, and I will stir whenever I heard your name mentioned. My only regret is that I never had the opportunity to tell you how much I loved you.

    Ciao Nana. You were my lovely moonlight, my firecracker, and heart of gold that never was.

    I waited for her tensely to yell sarcastic laughter at me and then walk out of the room; instead, she hugged me fiercely. I hugged her back. It was like hugging an angel. It was by far the best hug I had ever given or received. I could feel the warmth of her soft breasts against my chest. Moments later we made love that might better be described as amateur, as I did it like the way a blind man would probably do it, for I ferociously fought the urge to open my eyes; for I felt her eyes were steadily fixed on me. A few moments later I opened my eyes as I lay down on the bed staring at the ceiling unbelievably and then lapsed into a thinking pause, wondering what to say and how to put it. I knew this was going to be a pivotal moment; either we are going to become great lovers from now on or the worst enemies the world had ever known.  I looked at her beautiful blues eyes with a weak grin and said in a low voice, ``thank you for being my savior. `` She looked at me wordlessly for a few moments with her eyes saying, you smartly lied to me, didn’t you? My blinking eyes said, yes, I did. I do hope you will forgive me if you will be patient enough to hear me out. My breathing continued to become increasingly strained, as I took pleasure in viewing the rounded firmness of her breasts that were staring invitingly at me.  Her nipples were perched upright waiting to be suckled by my lips and tongue.  There was an unquenchable desire growing ever more urgent in my groin area, to have her a second, and yet a third time.  My intensely passionate need for her governing my every move.

‘The pleasure is all mine, mi amore.’  She whispered softly after a brief pause.

‘Well, I have something to tell yo--,’ I quickly covered her mouth with mine, before she could tell me what she longed to.  It was as though fire was lit to tinder, at the immediate response I received upon pummeling her mouth with my own.  Her response was so fierce, I couldn’t help but think that she had been waiting for just the moment when I would take her lips in mine own.  With my body pressed tightly against hers, I could feel the individual touch of each of her breasts on my chest.  

From one moment to the next I was cupping her soft, creamy, firmly-rounded breasts in the palms of my hands.  She began moaning as I began massaging them with such intensity that she couldn’t help but experience waves upon waves of excruciating pleasure.  She was moaning and groaning and twisting her body such that she allowed my hands to have the free access they needed to mold and shape her body in the way I wanted it to be.

With no forewarning, I slowly entered her warm and creamy tightness.  Wriggling and moaning she stroked my back gently with her soft beautiful hands, as I began to slowly and relentlessly pummel her body with the supreme strength and will it take to not release my seed into the depths of her womb.  I savored every moment as though it were my last.  For a reason unknown to me, I feel as though there would be no love lost between the two of us, once she hears my confession.  In truth, it was why I silenced her before she had the chance to speak any words, on the matter. 

As I continued to pummel her soft folds, my tempo increased with each thrust into her moist, warm body.  Within moments I began moving inside of her with the speed of a bullet train, as my peak became closer and ever closer still.  The sweet smell of her hair in my nose only served to increase the pleasure I felt at being inside of her.  Spreading her smooth beautiful legs in the formation of a ‘V’ allowed me to gain deeper access to her.  And, as I deepened my thrusts, she dug her soft gentle hands ever deeper into my back, pushing me further still inside of her.  I could hear and feel her soft breathing in my ear, urging me on to move faster and faster still.  

With her hands still clinging tightly to my back, I felt her body explode in a fiery, orgasmic passion.  Within seconds of her release, I too released my scream of pleasure into the air.  Collapsing to the side, I couldn’t help but stare at her insanely beautiful body as I looked on in admiration.

 Suddenly, she sat on the bed and began to slip into her black, tight pants and black coat. A disdainful look crossed her face as she plastered her hands to her chin. I hurriedly slid into my gray sweat pants and a plain white T-shirt and sat close beside her. ``Is anything wrong, Nana?`` I asked with a low and shaking voice that was almost husky. She said nothing; instead, she looked at me wordlessly with a forced grin. `` Look, `` I began slowly and emotionally with my head lowered down. `` I knew what I did was stupid, but there was no way I could help it. Honestly, I do genuinely love you from the bottom of my tender heart. I have never, I repeat never felt this way with any woman in my entire life. I know…I know this sounds funny and crazy, but undoubtedly, it is nothing but the truth. ` I paused to recollect my thoughts and waited for her to say something. I could sense she was on the verge of tears, as she looked straight into my eyes. `` There was no way (as all other ways I had tried no matter how hard I tried, proved unsuccessful), I couldn`t get the opportunity to show how much I love you, except by…`` I trailed off, partly because an inner voice was telling me not to spill it,`` because she is going to hate you for life for deceiving her``, the inner voice concluded. `` I had been staging a fake suicide and this is my fourth -fake attempt, dying for your attention, `` I continued in a broken voice, ignoring the inner voice after an awkward pause.  Her beautiful blue eyes brighten up and she put her hands on her lap. ``You mean you made this all up just to have sex with me?`` she said unenthusiastically. ``From the bottom of my heart, I want to say how sorry I’m for deceiving you,`` I said softly without meeting her eyes. ``What I wanted was your love; even a token of it would have felt grand to me. Do you know what it means to love someone without an opportunity to say so? It completely hurts to the bone marrow, to say the least. I know without a doubt that you are going to hate me for doing this, but a part of me will forever be happy for making a wondrous love to the love of my life, and what is more, having the blessed opportunity to tell her how much I do love her,`` I said, gazing at her. Looking at her only makes my heart aches, increasing my desire to have her more.

    ``Mmmm… this sounds to me like a kind of unbelievable super weird coincidence, do yo…,`` she trailed off, evidently trying to recollect her thoughts. ``Do you know I have been meaning to genuinely end my life for the past months without success? I have met somebody like me who had no confidence to do it all alone by herself on the net, and we have set a date to do it,`` she said with a twisted expression that was pregnant with meanings. I opened my mouth like a petrified cat, but no words came out. ``Are you kidding me? Why will you want to do that for?`` I said after getting hold of my sane self. ``well… I wish I was kidding you just like you did kid me some hours ago, but… anyway, I’m more than glad it happened this way because you saved my life.``  `` I saved your what?`` I asked mildly sounding more confused than ever. ``Yes, you saved my life,`` she said with a restrained voice. Two tears streamed slowly down her beautiful and smooth cheeks. I began to stroke her long hair and caress her hand. ``I… I… have never been happy with my life ever since I lost my virginity in a gang rape, a sore experience I hate to relive because it makes me sick to my heart  `` she said with a small, quivering voice. She went on to relive the untold bitter, and unforgettable experience of how five young, probably high school students gang-raped her while walking home one late evening from a neighborhood supermarket when she was just 14 years old. She froze to death with panic when she counted 5 young boys closing in on her. They gagged her mouth with only God knew what, when she attempted to screamed for help. They swore, threatened, kicked, and slapped her as she pleaded for them to stop.  ``My life has not been worth living since after the incident. I have always looked at men with fear, and burning hatred. I see them as ferocious monsters lying in wait to take undue advantage of the unwary women. I guess my long-standing aloofness towards you, stems from this fact. At any rate, I apologize for being so cold to you.`` Nsaid in a low, clear voice. She had regained some of her color and coolness.    ``No, no, it is me that owns you an apology,`` I drawled, feeling a moment’s relief in spite of myself.

    No one said anything for a long moment; we just looked at each other with dazed and uncomprehending eyes filled with joy. Seconds later, we draped our hands gently around each other savoring the unbelievable love that was undeniably powered by true confession.                     


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