How to Revive Trust After an Affair

Infidelity in a marriage or committed relationship is never fun, but it does happen. Unfortunately, in many circumstances, an affair can be the nail in the coffin of that relationship, but it does not have to be. If both parties are willing to work on the relationship, you can breathe new life into it and possibly become even stronger for it. Here are some tips on how to revive the trust in your relationship after an affair.

How to Revive Trust After an Affair

Infidelity in a marriage or committed relationship is never fun, but it does happen. Unfortunately, in many circumstances, an affair can be the nail in the coffin of that relationship, but it does not have to be. If both parties are willing to work on the relationship, you can breathe new life into it and possibly become even stronger for it. Here are some tips on how to revive the trust in your relationship after an affair.

Make the Choice to Trust Each Other

Trust is a very small word that means so much in a relationship. Building back trust can seem impossible at first following an affair. Images of the affair and thoughts of, “will it happen again,” are all too common, but these thoughts need to be pushed away in order to form a new basis for trust. You must make it up within your own mind that you are willing to trust the other party. Only then will you begin to mend the fracture that the affair has placed on your relationship.

Sever Ties

The first thing you, as the offending party, must do, is severing ties with the person you had the affair with. This can be difficult if the other person was close to the family in any way. However, if you are to heal, having that other person around in any capacity is like continually pulling off the scab and reminding yourself and your partner of the affair. That is no way to promote healing, so sever all ties with that person no matter what.

Be Completely Honest

Allow one another to practice complete honesty. No matter how difficult this step may be, complete honesty is the best policy. Be honest with yourself and your partner about how the affair occurred. Whether it was just a physical attraction, boredom with the current relationship, or just a desire for something new and exciting, own up to why and tell your partner. Additionally, allow them to be completely honest with you about any flaws in your personality or life that they want to change. The object is not to change everything, but to be completely honest. This exercise will allow you and your partner to realize each other’s humanity once again and begin the healing process. No one is perfect and this is not meant to emphasize imperfections, but merely to open up the relationship with true honesty.

Keep Every Promise, No Matter How Small

Trust is built over the course of a relationship and that tearing down of trust is not simply based on the one act of infidelity. It was accomplished over time as well. Promises not kept, even small ones can result in mistrust. Make an effort between the two of you to keep every promise and do not make any promises you are not confident you can keep. If you say you will be at a place at a certain time, be there. Get up earlier to make it happen and do not allow anything to derail you from keeping that promise. If you say you will do something special, do not let anything take you from that promise. Every promise is important when building trust between you and your partner.

Learn from Mistakes

Having an affair was a mistake. It should not have happened. There is no escaping this fact, but it is important that you learn from the mistake in order to make a positive impact on the future of you and your partner. Look at why the affair happened and note triggers for your attraction to the other person. What about that person who made you break your commitment to your partner? Also, consider when the affair happened and what led up to it. Learn from these mistakes made and work to avoid them in the future.

Find a Renewed Connection with Your Partner

Relationships are difficult. It takes both parties doing their very best to make the relationship a success. Deviating from that devotion can lead to an affair and when a relationship begins to show wear and tear, an affair has the potential to occur. Following an affair, it is important to rediscover your partner. What attracted you to them in the first place? Look for those little things you noticed and give them praise for it. There is always something positive in the relationship and use those positive attributes to build the trust you have been lacking.

Your relationship can be saved if both of you are willing to work toward that goal. It will take time and commitment to rebuilding trust, but it is not impossible. Take the time to provide each other with space to digest what occurred, but not so much space that you become distant. Remember you are both human and subject to failure. Rebuild trust slowly and you will enjoy a deeper bond with one another in the very near future.

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