How To Avoid Falling In Love With The Wrong Person.
Too much emphasis can be placed on the other party in a relationship. We want to please those we date and get them to like us just as much as we like them, but what are we really doing when we do this? We are discounting our own needs and desires and often conforming to what we think the other person wants. Falling in love is supposed to be easy
It is often stated that there is someone out there for every single person on the planet, but with divorce rates at an all-time high and more people than ever simply avoiding the concept of marriage altogether, it can be easy to assume you will never meet that one ideal person. If you find yourself time and time again going down the same road and ending up with the wrong person, here are a few tips to help you keep your love vehicle on the right track and quit falling in love with Mr. or Ms. Wrong.
Take Time to Get to Know You
Too much emphasis can be placed on the other party in a relationship. We want to please those we date and get them to like us just as much as we like them, but what are we really doing when we do this? We are discounting our own needs and desires and often conforming to what we think the other person wants. Falling in love is supposed to be easy. Two parties are both working together to invest in a life with one another and it is not an ideal match when the investment comes from one side.
To avoid being the one that does everything in the relationship, invest in yourself. Take a little time to get to know you and what you really want. Take yourself out on a few dates. This may sound a little odd to some, but take yourself to a nice sit-down restaurant, peruse the menu, and order exactly what you want without the influence of another person. Go to a movie theater and pick a movie that you have been wanting to see instead of taking someone else into consideration for the choice. Even try going to a car lot, if you are in need of a new car, alone and pick the car that speaks to you. The point is to find out what you want and go for it without outside influence. When you can do this, you can better assess a future match. The person can fall in love with the real you, not who you are trying to be.
Play a Little Hard to Get
Some people can take this one a little too far, but playing a little hard to get can work to your advantage. Humans, even though we are seemingly smarter than other animals, still maintain certain animal drives. One of those drives just happens to be the love of the hunt. When a person immediately takes your advances without a shred of resistance, it can signal desperation. However, if that same person refuses an advance once or even twice, it makes them more irresistible.
I will give you a real-life scenario. I met my wife in college and we have been married for almost 18 years. When we were dating, I made an advance on her to grab her chest while making out. Now, she did not make a scene, but calmly removed my hand from that part of her anatomy and carried on kissing me. That move showed me she had her boundary lines firmly placed and I was going to have to work a lot harder for what I wanted. The thrill of the hunt was on. By her playing hard to get, I was more interested in getting to know this amazing woman.
Do Not Get Invested in Words
Actions speak louder than words is a common phrase, but it is one that you should definitely take to heart when trying to find your person. Remember, words are easy. Saying, “I love you,” for certain people is how they can get what they want. Those words are supposed to have meaning but often are used as a ruse to draw you into the wrong person.
Do not merely focus on the words your partner is saying, but what they are doing when they say those words. Look at their mannerisms when they are around you. Are they simply saying words to get what they want or are they truly meaning it? Do they say nice things only when others are around as a means to impress, or are these things said when you are alone? Watch for what the person does, how they do it to know what they are really saying.
It takes work to find that one perfect person and you may have to endure a lot of wrongs before you find that right person, but it is worth it. These tips can help you refocus your dating habits and stop falling for the wrong person. Remember, it takes two to make any relationship work and if the other party is unwilling to put forth the work, it might be time to move on. Your person could be right around the corner.